Following my footsteps home. This time I'm walking all alone. Trying to be someone I don't even know. I feel like a shadow. Walking behind who you think I am.
The dizziness just compliments. This failure of a girl. Im settled now. The show of mine consumes me. But every pound I shed. Speaks volumes of my lack of self control.
I got used to the treadmill love.
Where no matter how fast you run. You're stuck at the starting point.
Only exhausted.
Self-fulfilling prophecy. I swear to you I’ll never eat again.
“ I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, there is no reason to cling to unnecessary lies.”
My best friend and pastor knows about my ed. For the past couple of months he has tried to help is everyway possible. He says he won’t leave me. He says no matter what he would be there for me. The other night, I confessed to him something I have never told anyone-about what could have influenced my disorder. He never gets mad when I tell him things. Usually I feel somewhat relieved that I told someone. This time I immediately wanted to take what I said back. I just got the feeling that it was ONE BIG MISTAKE.
I seriously feel like I want to runaway and never see him again. I feel like I just let him in and Ana hates it. I hate it.
I explained to him how I just want someone to understand my pain. I thought by telling him my secret he would see and understand. I was wrong. So wrong. I thought maybe telling him would show him my pain. Apparently not. I’m so frustrated. Why did I ever tell him anything in the first place….
“I’ll swear to you I’ll never trust again.”
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